Let’s talk about emotional abuse because it is very real, and it does happen in real life. If you or anyone you know is being emotionally abused, please reach out to your local support group.
I have this friend who, a long time ago was struggling through life. She is an honest person with a great big heart. She would do anything for anyone she loved. She just has this light about her that seems to shine within her. When you meet her you immediately fall head over heels for her and know she is going to be a ride-or-die friend.
At the time she was going through a particularly nasty divorce. On the surface, she seemed to be balancing work, divorce, and regular life very well.
Once her divorce was final she longed for a reset, so she went to Hawaii for a while. There she soaked up the sun, bathed in the ocean, and explored places she had visited when she lived there as a child. She arrived back home, and confided in me that she was not happy where she lived, she felt peace when she was in Hawaii. So, as any friend would I told her to move to Hawaii, she was young and I remember when I had needed to move to NOLA to recharge and discover myself. I knew how that felt.
She was there for almost two years, and then one day she returns fresh and renewed. Her whole world had exploded in color, she was in love. She was just visiting the West coast before making her way to Florida.
I was so so happy for her. She had finally found someone who wanted to take care of her, support her, support her dreams. They both wanted the same things, a good life, a family.
Watching from the sidelines made my heart was full knowing that she was back on her path, she was healthy and she was happy.
As with many of us, her online presence appears one way, perfect. However, much to my understanding her life was far from perfect.
In the winter of 2018 she and her family moved to England, I was incredibly jealous of her. Again her online personality was as brilliant and shining as she is in real life. But slowly, inch by inch, she began to allow the cracks to let light through. It was one post in her stories that made me wonder, “Is she ok?” So I sent her a message, and that was when she told me that her marriage was over. At first, I did what anyone would do, I tried to comfort her and ask her if she was really sure things were over. That was when she informed me she had been emotionally and mentally abused.
My heart broke for her.
I am notoriously cold-hearted at times, but there are a few things that hit me right. in the chest. Miscarriages, infertility, and abuse. After she told me her story I prayed for her. In my book that is the most powerful weapon I possess.
There is no disability for this kind of abuse, and as with all mental health, there is no support for women like her. Still, she is able to move all her things into her own flat, take care of her kids and get a job. She tells me all the time, “You just need to re-adjust your crown.”
It is with her permission that I am telling you her story. It is my small contribution to help her heal and to help others. Just like her, you are strong. Adjust your crowns ladies!
Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is just as painful, hurtful, and damaging as any other kind of abuse. The only difference is you can’t see it and often times the person being abused can hide it very well. One of the problems with emotional abuse is when it first begins the victim will automatically blame themselves. With many victims, it is quite normal for the first reaction is believing nothing is wrong, or that we made the whole thing up in our minds.
So how can you tell if you are being emotionally abused? Here are few signs:
- Name calling -not the sweet kind but the put you down kind. “Oh sweetie, you look so fat in that don’t wear it.”
- Character assination- always blaming you for making them late, or it is your fault dinner burned
- Patronizing-sometimes it is something we all do with each other, but when it is done consistantly then it is not funny or kind for anyone. For instance, “I know you try but this is really beyond your skills and understanding.”
- Insults your appearance- You can never make yourself “look presentable” your hair is always a mess! Or your clothes are always a disaster.
- Puts down your intrests or hobbies- tells you that what your likes are always stupid or childish. Says that you could do better things with your time then what your hobbies are. Such as with my friend, she enjoys sewing, and she is really good at it. Her abuser might have said she sucked, or she should give it up and just buy the girls thier costumes cause she can’t sew.
- Using others- Tells you that your mutual friends or maybe even wiht family members think you t are crazy, irration and difficult to be around.
There are many more signs of this type of abuse, for more information check out this site.
If you think you are in this situation here are a few things you need to do right away.
- Accept that you are not responsible for the way the abuse is treating you.
- Set boundaries for yourself. Don’t allow yourself to get dragged into an agrument. You don’t need to defend your character all the time. Make sure that you stick to your boundaries.
- Find the strenght to get out of the relationship. I know this is MUCH harder than it sounds, but do what you must. Seek professional help, reach out to your local domestic volence support group.
- Give yourself time to heal. Not everyone knows this but after such trama you will expereience some form of PTSD. Or you may end up with Battered Womon’s Syndrome. Seek out a therapist that is compassionate and you’re comfortable with right way.
Don’t hesitate to reach out to your local support center if you think you are being abused in any way.
For self-care tips check out my blog post French Girl Picks: Self-Care, Reflection and Growth
Comment below to provide helpful tips for anyone who may need it.