If you have been looking at the news or social media or trashy magazines then you know that actor Ioan Gruffudd is going through a nasty divorce allegedly because his wife is accusing him of having a 3-year long affair with another woman. His soon-to-be-former wife took to the talk show circuit to discuss how she is living every woman’s nightmare, followed by a load of details that you can easily discover with a quick google search. Combined with her reaction to the breakup of her 20-year marriage, it got me thinking. What should you do if you think your partner is cheating?
Well, the first thing we are gonna need to do is some investigation. Relationships are living breathing things that need nurturing, care, and attending. I strongly recommend that you discuss your feelings with your partner and approach with a cool head because after the signs are not a precise science.
Signs the relationship may be over
- Emotional Connection is fading– In every relationship, especially in the beginning we share almost everything about ourselves with our partners. If our partner is trustworthy and makes us feel safe, we then bare everything locked away in our souls.
- Physical Intimacy is Fading– In Anna Evens-spouse of Ioan Gruffudd-interview she explained she knew something was because her husband began to be intamatly distant. Sometimes this this happens when someone is cheating, but not always. Belive it or not, according to Physcology Today a person who is cheating on thier significate other often ups the intamacy as sort of a guilty cover up. We have all heard that often the person cheating accuses the innocent party of cheating, to make themselves feel better, this is probably the same thing. Though again you should be able to discuss the changes with your partner. Remember not to accuse but to discuss.
- You want different things- Couples tend to share certain goals such as having kids, of where they want to live or professional dreams. However, some people have different goals from their spouses, or partners. For instance, he may want to live near his mother, but you can’t stand her. This is normal but when it starts to take over your relationship, or you find that your goals mean more to you than your partner then this can cause a disconnect in your relationship.
Signs that could mean your partner is cheating
- Suddenly starts primping and looking on point-Look this is a sign of a lot of things, cheating, mid-life crisis or perhaps self-care elevated. Before you start accusing, make sure you really think about why your partner or spouse is suddenly dresssing nicer, wearing cologne or even combing his or her hair. I’ll use my husband as an example, a few years ago he began purchasing oils and different products for his beard, then there were the hair products. The last thing he purchased was a second bottle of colonge, which I picked out. The reason he did this, he explained, was to make him feel better about himself. He realized when he liked the way he looked then he had a better outlook on the day. His transfromation was not gradual it was literally overnight. Which would have had some eyebrows raised if they didn’t know him.
- Decrease or different sex with you-Again, once the emtional connection has faded away then the urge or desire to be intimate changes. But again this doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is cheating. Decrease in sex may have something to do with medication, such as anti-depressesents. If the sex is different, for instance where once your spouse or parnter used to take their time with you, and make sure that you both enjoyed yourselves. Suddenly your partner or spouse seems as though they just want to get over with it, as though it is a chore. This could be a red flag.
- Your partner is edgy towards you– When we are feeling guilty we will lash out on the ones closest to use. We do this when we are grieving, or mad, etc. If your partner is accusing you of cheating this could be a deflection move. They are trying to pass the buck to you. Or it could be something else.
Note: These are general signs that someone could be cheating on their partner or spouse, they are not definite signs! When in doubt discuss your feelings with your partner.
You may also want to check out our article on 5 Ways To Set Boundaries In Your Relationship
What To Do if You Think Your Partner Is Cheating
If you have a gut feeling that your spouse or partner is cheating on you the last thing you should do is violently accuse them of an action you only have a feeling about. Introduce the topic in a conversation, a “relationship” meeting if you will. Your partner or spouse may deflect or become verbally aggressive but that is ok, you stick to your feelings.
They may even try to turn the blame on you for even thinking or feeling that they could ever do something like cheating. Don’t allow anything they say or do to undermine your feelings, you have valid feelings. If you’re in a loving, caring relationship then they will hear you out, and if they are innocent they will try to work out your feelings.
Now let me express that even if your partner is displaying all the things mentioned above, this does not mean he or she is cheating on you. They could be going through a middle-life crisis. The point is for you to be a supportive spouse and discuss your feelings. Should your partner confess they have cheated, listen and then do something about it. (nothing illegal) Talk it out with a friend or family member. Allow yourself some time to process and decide what it is you would like to do. Lastly, seek help, and for the love of all this holy don’t blast them on social media, cause it will be there forever! (and it could come back to haunt you.)